Throwback: Brutally Honest CoverLetter



In the few years since I wrote this Cover Letter below I’ve had many fulfilling and wonderful jobs; I’ve changed cities, I’ve settled down a little and I even own a couple plants! What’s best is, I’m no longer straining for jobs or stressing about work. I’m currently loving my work as the Admin Assistant for a very lovely small ballet school in the literal middle of Pennsylvania (bumfucknowhere, PA). I’m sure I’ll need my cover letter skillz when I eventually move to another city, so I thought I’d stroll down that memory lane by posting this gem from my past. Feel free to use this as a template the next time you are in need of a fancy job.


Greetings someone I really hope emails or calls me back super soon,

I am applying for your Administrative Assistant, Art Manager, Curatorial, Manager of whatever the f&%$# position you’ve posted, tweeted, mentioned to someone I know, sent in an email.

I have accumulated a lot of skills over my decade or so of working in various capacities of awesomeness, awkwardness, or awakedness. I would love to bring these skills, being many, to your establishment and business. I’m enthusiastic, energetic, almost too excitedly interested in new job opportunities. I love new challenges, new work environments, meeting new people, and succeeding in all capacities. I will bring my experience and jovial attitude in exchange for a job that I won’t hate and will enjoy celebrating in an anniversary of many years to come. All I want is something stable, reliable, and enjoyable. I hope your company agrees.

I hope you have the opening you’ve advertised because I’d really love to work for you.

Sincerely yours,

Someone who needs a job and is very qualified for this job.



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